Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
