I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
