on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
