Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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