apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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