We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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