I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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