my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
