I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
