Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
why is half of my head shaved?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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