WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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