Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
