i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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