Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
How naked do you want me to be?
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