i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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