So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
