I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
