I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
