I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
