I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Randomize
