you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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