just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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