Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
