just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
