Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
