Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
