Apparently you make a good broom.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You're like the curious george of whores
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
