During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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