Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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