Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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