I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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