He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
