Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
His hands were made for my vagina.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
