u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
