I just made out with a guy for $7.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
