I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
