you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
