If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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