at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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