i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm really busy with my period
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