Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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