Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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