My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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