I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
