I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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