wat bout pragnant strippers??
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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