Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
