I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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