Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
