this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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