I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
