im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
