he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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