God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
