I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
