Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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