38 yer olds are good kisserssss
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
