we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
