dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
