I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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