ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
