I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
