Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he shaved USA in his pubs
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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