Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
