Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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