So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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