I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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