i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize