He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
