best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
