you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
