oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
