dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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