there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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