I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
false alarm, still single
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
