I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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