remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
