You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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