Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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