ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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