im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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