im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
