My first STD was from a foam party
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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