Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
