rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
