worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
